entry two:

GOD KNOWS I'M TRYING BUT WHAT IF HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THIS...     

 Hello, me again. I am currently stupid and I need a good crying for me to ease the emotions in me. I just loaded the diswasher and as the dishes get clean, my coffee is getting colder. I need a constant reassurance for this, me and my emotions. It's been a while since I confessed I believe. Maybe that's the source of my hopelessness. I want to get this right with you, dear reader: I confess that some part of me is sure as fuck that I might be not trying enough. And thats eating me alive. What do I do with it? 

What I do is now, I get dressed up, sitting here writing this. 

I am always worried about something, because I deeply care. I don't need that, nor I want it. This is a breeze of a wind for me to shift in-between overstimulation and then, nothingness. The gateway. I am in a desperate need of packing my clothes and leaving this town. And God? God, I can't go on like this. I am false, pretend and so hopeless. I can't stop imagining future and shielding myself from it whilst. I am tense all the time so. 

What I will say now I is that I will leave it here. Still, my fingers itch to explain. I want it to be over. This life even. I'll leave what I'm chasing for the other girls to pursue. And then I get to be free, or it appears to be. 

See you in a while,

you.