when

If

and it's not even an if,

When I stop just for a moment and look at myself:

"how pathetic"

"so depressive"

"exaggerated"

"truly desperate"

"a goddamn pessimist"

"and a fucking coward- that doesn't even trying"

To the mask I am wearing

underneath is me

/and what inside of me/

/and what is wrong with me/

Is bugging to you, huh?

cause I am a messed up train wreck

and a big problem to you.

And I was there everytime I breakdown.

Where have you been, for me when I come to you?

Thought you were busy, but also I know that;

I am annoying too.

Cause when I am taking a praise with a mind on fire:

I am happy, at least once upon a time.

You ever met the other me?

Now with every goddamn feelings'

 absence - like yours and he/she/its - :

Sure it is!

I will get together and enjoy this life I am breathing.

But do you know how hard it is with a lungs filled with apathy?

Do you know, how hard is to keep going and that is getting harder everynight?

I don't know if you're reading this; bu if you fo please don't attack me for the things I sucsessfully failed on doing.

and even me: asking why?, Did you know that?

I ask why,

who I am - to who I wanna be is - far from me?

Me is the writer, falling from every value in your head

to the last cold evenings time.

There I lost control.

There lots of trys that I attempt, gone and failed...

There it is, me, the erroris human

I slept top 6 hours in last 3 days.

Cause I just can't sleep.

What is my problem? What I am in it, living it?

- in my head I yell and scream -

And I am feeling incredibly down lately

That it feels like I am dying

By the Greater God's wish is I am dying in these cold evenings night.

It must ment to be.

All the way down.

Say amen for me.